The "Biology Brawl"

So basically let me break this down for you. Here's how my Monday's work after Algebra I head straight to Biology lab and then after Biology lecture. Since nothing even close to interesting happened in Algebra today besides creepy stares and loss of innocence we'll pick this up in Bio lab.


Biology is probably my least favorite class that I attend at Meramec however, it's the most entertaining simply for the reason that the Adult:Teen ratio is 8:1 in the favor of the adults. There's maybe 4-5 teens ages 19-24 (if you include the foreign lady who doesn't speak english then 5). Anyway there's about 25 adults to 5 teens is what I'm getting at here. The adults are split basically about 13-12 in terms of male and female and that's important for later so remember that little tidbit of information.

The adult men have their own little section in lab as do the women and naturally us teens take up the last tables including the foreign lady who can't speak English and therefore can't interact with anyone so is about as useful as garbage.

Anyway, here's the scenario. We had our midterm test on Friday and by some fucked up method of math that our teacher used it apparently is worth about a third of our grade. If you can't see where this is going our tests didn't turn out so hot. As our teacher is explaining to us that we can "only go up the rest of the semester" and that "F is just a jumping off point to an A" (fucking stupidest phrase I've ever heard by the way), you can tell that some tension is rising among the adult lab tables. Some of the woman are openly mumbling under their breathes about how ridiculous this test was. (Sidenote: I'd like to inject my own opinion in here and tell everyone that I'm going to agree with these women and say that this test was complete bullshit. Basically our drone of a teacher gave us a study guide and then decided she was going to make the test on everything that wasn't on the study guide. Complete nonsense, anyway...) at this point one woman openly stand up and objects to receiving a grade for this test, demanding that she be able to get an A. I'm honestly not sure if she really thought she was going to get an A or not but one of the men on the other side of lab politely reminds her that in America that really isn't how anything works.

This douche of a man is probably 55 years old, wearing AE jeans that are made for someone half his age, a black leather jacket and a skull cap. So after he let's everyone know how he feels, this large lady who happens to be the friend of "Objection" lady stands up and reminds Colin Farrell in the skull cap that no one in this class even likes him and that he can shut the fuck up. To be honest I'm kinda with Queen Latifah on this one as I personally can't stand Mr. Farrell in real life or in this class.

(One more side note, if you need a pen an pencil to write down and follow all these people and their "names" I'll stop and wait while you grab one, I apologize I don't know names but honestly these people are more grating than the bird house at the zoo.)


(Got your pencil? Great!)


Anyway, so Latifah and Farrell are going at it pretty hard core and lab class has about maybe 10 minutes or so to go before we head upstairs and start lecture class. Objection lady for God knows why is still demanding an A and our teacher is still giving her this puzzled look like she's the dumbest sack of shit to walk the Earth. I find that our teacher gives this look more and more these days. Latifah and Farrell are winding down and I'm thinking everything's blown over and anyway it's time to head to lecture.


LECTURE CLASS:

So in lecture class our teacher makes the asinine decision to devote this whole lecture class today to talking about our tests. Good call, let's talk about the subject that brought us to a shouting match downstairs nearly five minutes ago. Brilliant, no let me rephrase that, BRILLIANT.

Here's where shit just goes wild.

Objection lady and her friend Tamara (I think that's her name but then again she is white) are now hardcore ranting to our teacher about how unfair and juvenile the test was. Yes, the people who are cursing and ranting at the teacher are calling something juvenile, I love the irony here. I'd like to also add another dose of irony here by saying that if these people hadn't failed class in high school/college the first time they probably wouldn't be here and in turn failed this test. Oh sweet irony. Anyway, Colin Farrell is again mocking the women side of the class as apparently he thinks there's nothing wrong with the test as he got a good grade. (Editor's note: we later found out he got a 68%). So Tamara is in full force arguing with him and at this point I'm on facebook trying to avoid what is obviously a very uncomfortable situation for anyone that's not involved. The girl next to me is terrified and gonna be honest I was a bit too. I also don't think the foreign lady knew jack about what was going on because her expression didn't change once. She was like a gargoyle.

As I turn back to this argument, I see a large black man turn to Queen Latifah and tell her that she "needs to calm down". What happened next was probably the greatest moment of the whole thing as she turned to Randy Jackson and told him "what I need to do is beat your ass." BOOM. Mr. Jackson looks stunned and Colin Farrell who is apparently good friends with Randy is now walking towards Latifah and I honest to God think there's going to be a fight here. Objection lady and the 53 year old know it all are now screaming personal insults at our teacher and while our teacher is about as intelligent as a rock I do feel for the lady as these women are really handing it to her.

Cross class as Colin approaches the Queen some small little Irish man with red hair and a Chinese tattoo that I'm pretty sure stands for "jackoff", steps in the middle and tries to calm things down. That might've been effective if he wasn't the size of my left leg and built like a lawn gnome. Anyway, Farrell stops for a second but not before hurling an insult at Latifah and it was then when Tamara chucked a pen cross room and hit him square in the neck.

GAME ON.


Randy Jackson is now irate and whether he's meaning to or not doing his best Samuel L Jackson screaming impression. The short Irish guy literally gets knocked off his feet and Farrell is charging at Queen Latifah. As they're about to meet in the middle of the room the stoner kid on my right looks at me and motions to the door. I'm thinking that that may not be a bad idea but unfortunately everyone is now standing and all the aisles are completely blocked. At the request of K. Jarrett I'm trying to record this on my phone but the battery died mid video and didn't save anything. My teacher is now cursing herself telling anyone who'll listen to "act like fucking adults." At this point Farrell and Queen Latifah are mid room like in each other's faces arm locked but no one is throwing punches. It takes 3 guys to pull them apart and my teacher is brutally trying anything to restore order. It's now 15 minutes passed when class is supposed to be over and my teacher looks to the group and says "So uh, we'll pick this up next time?". Seriously, ma'am that's the best you've got?


I'm walking out the door behind my teacher and I can still hear some yelling behind me but Queen Latifah is escorted out behind me by some of her friends and the other guys in the class are trying to get Colin Farrell and Randy Jackson to chill the fuck out.

As I'm leaving, I pass a Meramec security guard making his way up the stairs.

I can't attest to anything that happened after that, but class got real today.


I had another blog in progress which will be up sometime next week but wanted to get this one in now,

So until next time

Your friend and mine,


-ben